Saturday, February 19, 2011

Death of the Man in My Dreams wearing White Shirt

I want to Die like this..
Just to let you people know...This is my testament,more like a last will before i commit suicide.Don't panic this is not a physical death..this is just a death of another white shirt person of my dreams.

I can complete one Game in 6 hours

You know from my childhood i dreamt of being an warrior poet.I have even written a poem long ago about it.That entity inside me was happy..he used to play a lot of computer games.Lots of people including my parents couldn't understand why I was so much addicted to games.I got the answer today..I just wanted to escape the reality and live in the fantasy world where elves and dwarfs used to stay.Tales of kings and mighty heroes..where dreams come to life..

Alas from time to time I had to come down to reality because I felt someone needs me in this world.My Parents and my Friends.Friends that too very close ones..who understood me and accepted me as I am..who never left me when I needed them..sure I also have done foolish things that has hurt them but they have forgiven me..I knew when they said.."We missed you",they truly did..........

Then came someone special who told me she loves me..I was in heaven..then somehow I had spent many
This is how I want to remember you
days(3 years 2 months 14 days and few hours),yes i count because i really loved every moment she was with me..every single phone call and every single moments we spent together..though i really realized how much i loved her when i started to fell the fear of losing world went eyes were dark and my heart stopped beating.

the poet inside me was dying..I wrote but there was no one to listen..they used to complain that i was  not attending them,they were not able to reach the person they wanted to reach.She was not exactly that much poem inclined i i burned them..i can almost feel the heat in my face,its like burning your newborn baby just because they had no purpose in this world..I held the ashes for a long time in my arms and then finally let them fly in peace....Later i had tried many times but they had left me for good.

I used to dream and they all were incomplete..all ending abruptly without a ending..all were grey..i began to age,i felt like the life of the elders leaving my soul..

When I landed on 11th Feb 2011,it was like heaven.After a long time i felt life in breadth.I felt like i was alive again.Specially when I decided to go through Dum Dum Nager Bazaar.The thought of meeting her after long time,holding hands together..looking in her eyes....Bang..Bang.."Sorry I cant come...",she said.Her mother was not feeling well thus she couldn't logical brain does comprehend but my wild heart stops beating that moment hearing that..cant say that I was not hurt.But I was standing.

Went home and then went to the wedding..all throughout the day i even forgot to eat out of sheer excitement that I am finally in my place..where I belong..where I truly belong..the land where my soul will rest and my body will burn and the ashes will final resting place.I am Hindu by birth but a warrior by profession.Maybe a modern warrior armed with a IDE writing code but the heart remains the same...and the fact that she was coming....

Today there was a long discussion with one of my friends about love and stuff..I realized that he really loves her and I too really love my love..the feeling was soo strong inside me,but again..Bang..Bang..something happened.............

Which actually brings me to this post...I am dying.At least the part she knows is dying..that's all she wanted to one part of my mind was with her.......I just realized that for all these years she never really liked that part,just couldn't say she spoke was a mistake from her part to have loved a sensation..believe me when i say that my heart is paining coz its truly physically paining...bad pain...perhaps from tomorrow the man in a white shirt in my dreams will live no more...........I am killing him.."With what?",you ask..with music,lots of cigarette..and a painful he has to die..

He cant live..he doesn't deserve to live..he cant bear the shame of defeat.........i wanted to write more but he refused to speak any further
Death Certificate

Name:The man wearing white shirt of my Dreams




Cause of Death:Unable to meet expectations

Date/Time of Death:18th Feb 2011,11:59PM

Place:29 D Nabalia Para Road
P.O Barisha

A few memories together

I think he just died in my arms...his dying wish was to be be forgiven..ask for forgiveness from her,for not being what she really wanted.........Oh another thing..this will be my last post..I wont be bothering you with anymore boring mails..............the blog itself will be removed dated 21st Feb 2011 at 00:00 hrs.....

The Time


I am a warrior ,Mongol is my kind
            I fought , slayed numerous mortals
But could not win the Immortal time .
It slowed me down , cooled my veins
And weakened my muscles ,I lost my sight

My weak Muscles could not face the guilt
            The murders ,indiscriminate death caused
by me now haunt my soul to infinity
            My beloved one s seem to desert me
I am now a lonely  warrior thirsty for love
I murdered my dreams ,Plundered my hopes

            They only fear me for my vengeance
And respect my anger but alas they do not see
            My mind ,the finite mortal system
I am now dying and there is no one left to cry

Santanu Ghosal

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